How To Put That Thing To Use
Dear Nina and Rita,
I'm writing this because I'm seriously confused about my penis. When a person's penis is erect, the top skin comes off and you can see the flesh, but in my case this is not so. The size of my penis is average--nearly six inches, which is average, right? I go out with girls and everything is all right but then when it comes to sex I feel shy and just have to settle down for kisses. So please tell me what to do or what is wrong in my case.
Signed,
Jay
Dear Jay,
We suspect the culprit is your foreskin. It sounds like you're uncircumcised, but can't roll the skin back off the head of your penis. The skin rolls back just enough so that you can pee, but the rest of the head is covered with foreskin, even when fully erect.
We think it's possible that your serpent's sweater needs some unstitching and your man-root needs to be repotted. We consulted a phallic expert, Dr. Sai Lami. Actually, the doctor is more of a Ph.D. than an MD, but during our romp in Las Vegas we observed that he's uncircumcised, and upon remembering this fact of anatomy many many years later, we thought perhaps he might be able to offer his
Dr. Lami's advice? "This is not unusual for uncircumcised boys. I actually had this same condition. He'll have to get partially circumcised, just enough so that he can roll back the skin and expose the head of the penis."
Make an appointment with your doctor. After this completely painless procedure, you'll need a few weeks to heal. The sooner you resize your uniform, the sooner you can barter your six inches for privileges with the ladies (see next week's column).
P.S. Did we say completely painless? That's a lie. Good luck, Jay.
All our love and more,
Nina and Rita
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1 Comments:
At 6:08 PM, Bill said…
I've just noticed this question; sorry about being tardy. But I thought I might have a few useful comments.
The questionner's problem is indeed probably about an unretractable foreskin. From birth to sometime around puberty it is entirely normal for the foreskin to be unretractable. It is not phimosis nor para-phimosis, nor evidence for either, at all until a much later time. Indeed, for much of the time to late childhood, the glans and foreskin remain a single tissue. Retraction often occurs at or around puberty, as the cock grows, and erections become uncomfortably common, or deliberately by simply pulling it down over the glans. Occasionally, retraction occurs for the first time during penetrative sex, usually furtively.
Sometimes, the diameter of the opening at the tip of the foreskin is too small to allow retraction over the glans (eg in the case of a large glans). In such cases, stretching is required, somehow. After puberty, an unretractable foreskin is a problem for secretions will collect between foreskin and glans; these secretions were formerly thought to be connected cervical cancer in the partners of uncircumcized men, but that suggestion has long ago been shown to be non-existent. But off-putting smell and taste both recommend cleanliness. It is difficult to clean adequately without retraction. Surgery (including partial or complete circumcision) is very rarely required, though surgeons, who are in the business of cutting, may be rather more enthusiastic than you (or your partner) will likely be comfortable with. Get a second opinion, perhaps from a urologist (who will not be doing the cutting), or from a sexologist (an MD), as sexual function is the fundamental issue here.
The glans in an uncut man is the thinnest skin tissue in a human being. It is also loaded with sensory nerves. In cut men, the glans is much thicker and the number of working sensory nerves present depends on the damage done at circumcision when a single tissue was torn, or cut apart, along an imagined parting line in the mind of the circumcizer.
There are implications here about the statistical intensity of sensation available to men, especially older men with reduced drive anyway. And about whether routine male infant circumcision is merely cosmetic or a mutilation and thus a kind of abuse. No pediatric medical association in the developed world any longer suggests any medical reason for routine male infant circumcision.
Hope that illuminates some of the hidden corners of this issue.
Bill
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