posted and copyrighted May 31, 2004

Seeing as we resolved never to make up questions to fuel this sex advice column, and our friends are too shy or too knowledgeable to send in questions to get us going, we were almost ready to let go of our aspirations, when, to our delight, a question appeared in the inbox. It is a stupid, malicious, facetious question, but it is a question nonetheless and we will answer it.

Dear Nina and Rita,

My boyfriend has been asking for an unusual request during sex lately.. it's kind of got me stumped because I'm not too sure as to how I should go about doing this.. He's been asking for a blow job. I know, I'm 23 and I ought to know what the heck that is, but sadly I've been avoiding it when ever he brings it up. So if it's really not too much to ask, can you tell me what is it, and how I could go about conducting it?

Sincerely,
marguerite

Dear Marguerite,

When "he brings it up," is he pushing your face towards his penis? If so, the answer is right there. He wants you to use your mouth in what we might call "oral sex." This is similar to vaginal or anal sex, which I'm sure you've tried, but here the mouth is used as the orifice. The thing about blowjobs is that men like all different kinds of variations in regards to intensity, speed, suction, tongue action, teeth action, testicle/perineum manipulation, and so much more. You're going to need to find out the specifications from your boyfriend. To get things started, here's what you should do: put your boyfriend's penis in your mouth. That's a big step, and he'll be appreciative no matter how badly you perform. Now, and feel free to interpret this directive however it works best for you: slide your mouth up and down his penis. What you're doing may or may not bring your boyfriend any pleasure, but remember, the effect you're going for right now is enthusiasm, not skill. Next: say, "I LIKE IT!" This will make him happy. Next say, "But, I don't know what I'm doing. Can you help me?" If he's agreeable, then you've just bought yourself plenty of time to experiment. Ask him where to place your hands, and ask him if he wants you to use a tighter grip, and ask him how far up the shaft your hands should go. Ask him to guide your head up and down for a while. Even though head-holding gets a bad rap, it can actually be very useful because you can figure out what kind of pacing he likes. When you've got the pacing down, you can tell him to remove his hands, unless you like it, in which case you can tell him to pull your hair, too. Be patient with yourself. It's going to take a while to figure out how to coordinate the hands, tongue, and lips to create that special kind of suction. After you develop the basic fundamentals, you can move on to the advanced skills. You should be proud of yourself for embarking on this journey. Plus, knowing how to give a good blowjob is an easy way to make some cash when you're in a fix.

All our love and more,
Nina and Rita