posted and copyrighted August 23, 2004

Dear Nina and Rita,

My fiancé always wants to have anal sex, but it hurts. What can I do to like it?

Signed,
What's the Point?

Dear What's the Point,

Anal sex is an excellent example of partisan politics. Both the Republicans and the Democrats know that anal sex doesn't have to hurt, but the Republicans benefit when people like What's the Point give up on anal sex. Fortunately, the Democrats recognize all the preparation and planning that goes into having good, hot anal sex. Anal sex will hurt if you are not well-lubricated or relaxed during the act. As you know, this country's voting population is divided into Haves and Have Nots. The Have Nots do not have anal sex. The Haves know there are some very easy ways to make anal sex more enjoyable for you and they want to share that information with you:

It's important that come to the experience in a very relaxed state. This might mean getting a back massage from your fiancé, or drinking wine. The more relaxed you are, the more you'll find anal sex to be pleasurable and even orgasmic. If you tense up during anal play, then slow down and get back into your relaxed state.

Use a thick, extra viscous lubricant. If you don't live near a clean, well-lighted sex shop, you can find lube online. We recommend Sex Grease and Probe Thick Rich. If there's only one thing you remember from this column, it's this: USE LOTS OF LUBE. Slather it on.

Don't start with a penis. Instead, try anal penetration with a finger covered with lube, so that your body gets used to the feeling. If you use latex gloves (found in most drug stores), the sensation will be even smoother. We recommend manual penetration nightly for a week before you try it with the penis. How big is your fiancé's penis? (We've always wanted to ask someone that question.) You might try a second week with two fingers before moving on to the penis. And you know what? If he's really big, it might be a long time before you can comfortably take his penis.

Be patient and communicate. Have him enter you very slowly. Some women feel more relaxed and in control if they climb on top of their partner and guide his penis in. Remember that this is an Equal Opportuniy Sex Act; your fiancé might be even more sensitive to your experience if he knows what anal penetration feels like.

If you and your fiancé don't use condoms, be sure that he doesn't go from anal to vaginal without washing his penis, or else you might get a bacterial infection. Alternately, use a condom for anal and remove it for vaginal.

During all anal play, be sure you and your partner are attentive to your enjoyment level. Do all the things that turn you on, such as rubbing your clit, sex talk, and playing with a vibrator. (See next week's column for more vibrator tips).

All our love and more,
Nina and Rita