posted and copyrighted January 18, 2005

Dear Nina and Rita,

Glad I found your site, hope you can help. This may sound strange, but I’m sure you’ve heard stranger so here goes…I have a cum fetish, plain and simple. Nothing turns me on more than when my partner’s orgasms have significant volume. I guess to me, it’s a sign that I’m really getting him off, which in turn gets me off. My problem is my current partner does not produce much ejaculate. It’s more or less just a dribble. When I ask, he claims he’s really turned on and getting off. But to me it’s not the same. I realize everyone’s physical makeup is different, but I’d love nothing better than for him to really unload on me. Is there anything we can do nutritionally or physically to “pump up the volume” so he shoots like a porn star? By the way, you girls rock!!!

Signed,
Want My Money Shot

Dear Want My Money Shot,

For this question, we decided to pull a "Dan Savage," so we sent our undercover operative to schmooze with porn stars at the AVN Expo in Las Vegas.

Our Las Vegas op reported, I talked to a couple of porn guys at the show, and one told me that the only way he manages to increase the volume is to go for a while without ejaculating.” How long is "a while?" He refrains from spilling his seed for three or four days.

There’s more: "Another porn guy says that he eats starchy foods the day before a shoot, and that does the trick for him." This is bad news for guys on low-carb diets. If you’ve forgotten what starchy foods are, we’re talking about bread, potatoes, cereals, rice and pasta.

A couple of guys at the Anabolic booth revealed that they consume lecithin supplements to increase their loads. You can buy lecithin at the health food store. Lecithin is found in sperm, so you can also harvest your own. Oh no, we’re just kidding. Or maybe we’re not.

Who are these "porn guys?" If you know your porn, then you’ve heard of Peter North and he’s not a "porn guy," he’s a porn god. His secret is "celery, lots of raw celery."

You may also want to try prostate stimulation. Put on a latex glove (or a vinyl surgical glove if you’re allergic to latex), lube up with a thick water-based lube, and slide a finger into your boyfriend’s butt while you are giving him a blowjob. Wiggle your finger upward and forward, almost in a “come here” motion. The prostate feels kind of spongy. It’s also known as the male g-spot, and if your boyfriend is comfortable, relaxed and enjoying himself, he can have incredibly intense, loud orgasms with increased ejaculation. Plus, when he cums, you’ll feel his contractions on your finger, an intensely erotic sensation.

Because we are creative, crafty girls, we're also thinking that you and your boyfriend could make some homemade porn with a digital camera and a bottle of hand lotion. Your boyfriend can squirt the lotion all over your face, and take pictures, and then you and he can look at the pictures while you’re fooling around. Or you can look at the pictures when you masturbate. Or you can send them to us.

All this talk about sperm makes us want to celebrate the fact that every man’s semen has its own unique consistency. Sometimes it’s fluid and slippery, sometimes it’s gooey and sticky, and sometimes it’s so compacted it feels like tiny bullets shooting into your mouth.

The quantity of cum a man produces has nothing to do with whether or not he is turned on and enjoying himself. Still, what’s at the heart of your question, Want My Money Shot, is how we sometimes need our lovers to give us tangible evidence that we’re great in bed. It’s like how when you’re with a woman who is multi-orgasmic, you feel like you’ve got the Midas touch. So, we turn to our readers and ask: what’s your telltale sign of mind-blowing sex? A huge load of cum? Moving the bed three feet across the floor? Neighbors knocking on the walls when you climax? Tell us.

All our love and more,
Nina and Rita