posted and copyrighted April 17, 2005

Dear Nina and Rita,

I am 19 years old and I have been a lover of lesbian and gay porn for a few years now, but my boyfriend hates the thought of people of the same gender having sex. I don’t like hetero porn, which is all he uses. How can I get him to enjoy my kind of erotica?

Signed,
Georgia

Dear Georgia,

Your boyfriend doesn’t sound like much fun. What’s a nice open-minded girl like you doing with that homophobe?

If this is the only major area of contention in your relationship, it’s still a pretty good relationship. But we wonder how compatible the two of you really are. Sure, opposites attract, but this may be a red flag that there’s a certain disparity in your sociopolitical values.

Most hetero males will suffer through some hot girl-on-girl action. So, we wonder about that. Perhaps he feels anxious because he’s not sure where he fits into your lesbo fantasies. Perhaps he fears he might lose you if he indulges your queer-curiosity. If you want to reassure him of your devotion to his cock while watching a girl/girl video, then give him an alternative commentary that inserts him into the narrative. "When they’re done licking each other, you’re going to fuck that blond girl, while the other blond girl sucks your balls." Stuff like that.

However, if he’s Catholic or whatever the current gay-bashing sect is today, you will have to deprogram him. Set aside a weekend for that. It will involve a hotel room, lots of alcohol and sex, and calling an escort or two so that he can see and hear a minimum of two girls going at it. Frequently reward him with blowjobs or whatever he likes most. This will at least get him feeling good about lesbians.

Suppose for a moment that your boyfriend feels threatened by gay porn not because he can’t admit that he secretly fantasizes about his golf buddies, but because he really is the #1 cheerleader for heterosexuality. What can you do about it? We don’t think you should compromise and watch hetero porn unless he’s willing to compromise, too. We’re bitchy like that. You can each watch porn privately and replay things in your head while you’re having sex. Or you can insist on a trade-off. One night, watch hetero and then next time, watch same-sex. If your boyfriend is at all attuned to your responses, your arousal might arouse him. In fact, he doesn't even have to watch if you lock his face between your legs and take control of the remote. And the same for you. Remember, there are so many flavors of imaginative hetero porn, so start looking for something that doesn’t offend your queer sensibilities. The folks at Blowfish have great taste and write superb capsule reviews.

Or better, set up two screens in your bedroom. Maybe one is the TV/DVD and the other is the laptop computer. Pick a position, say cowgirl. Set up the computer on pillows at the head of the bed so that you can watch Steve Marks and Alex Stone while you ride him. Position the TV to the side of the bed, so that he can turn his head slightly and watch Stephanie Swift and T.T. Boy. Anyone who actually tries this should set up a tripod, make a videotape, and send it to us. We'll reimburse you for the shipping. Sometimes our advice even astonishes us.

Coming soon: Nina and Rita’s favorite search terms, more Steve Almond, and more sex advice!

All our love and more,
Nina and Rita