posted and copyrighted June 9, 2007

Dear Nina and Rita,

My girlfriend needs deeper penetration to climax. I saw extender  sleeves that fit over the penis and extend the length a few inches. How safe are these? We were also thinking about stuffing the front of a condom with tissues for a few inches. Is this safe?

Signed,
Frank

Dear Frank,

Our response below is much different than what we originally thought we'd write.  We figured we would write about trying different positions, as well as using your fingers, toys, and even penis pumps.  But after we stopped laughing about using a tissue-stuffed condom as a penis extender sleeve, we decided, for the sake of fairness, that we ought to try it.  And, to our astonishment, it worked.

Prior to our Grant-Stoddard-style experiment, we came up with many, many reasons why using a tissue-stuffed condom was a terrible idea.  First, it’s the stupidest idea, ever.  Secondly, it’s generally unwise to jeopardize the integrity of your condom, especially if you are using the condom as a disease barrier and for pregnancy prevention.  And tissues seem vaguely threatening.  Scratchy, if you will.  Third, using a tissue-stuffed condom as a penis extender sleeve would be ecologically unfriendly.  How many trees have to die so your girlfriend can cum???

You see how our logic began to unravel.  So, we had to try it.

Rita unwrapped a condom, unrolled it an inch, and stuffed wadded up tissues inside.  Three tissues equaled about 1.5 inches in length.  She placed the tissue-stuffed condom over a dildo and then put it inside.  To her astonishment, it didn’t feel all that unusual.  She pulled out and discovered that the tightly packed tissues had molded themselves to fit her anatomy perfectly, like a futuristic synthetic that could become the crucial ingredient for the next generation of sex toys.  Furthermore, the tissue-stuffed condom visual also kind of fulfilled Rita's sex-in-a-trash-heap fantasies, but that’s a story for another column.

Despite the success of the experiment, we still don’t recommend using tissue-stuffed condoms as penis extender sleeves, just as we don’t often recommend using manufactured penis-extender sleeves, except for people who have cyborg fantasies.   Why not?  Because they are not very pleasurable for someone who has a real penis.  There is almost no discernable sensation for the wearer, and some wearers report discomfort due to a nonspecific thumping on the penis dome.   Or, in the case of tissue-stuffed condoms, there's a risk of chafing and irritation that might be akin to rope burn.  Plus, extender sleeves are not condoms, so you’d need to wear a condom underneath if you want to be safe, further reducing sensation.

What we’re getting at is this: extender sleeves and tissue-stuffed condoms might work fine for helping your girlfriend have an orgasm, especially if you fantasize about sacrificing your own pleasure to service her and she fantasies about being fucked in a garbage dump by the bionic man. (Nina: "For once, Rita, can you please leave your own fantasies out of this?")  However, there are other options that might be more pleasurable for you:

1.  Have you exhausted all the positions?  There are some positions, such as missionary with her legs up over your shoulders, that allow you to penetrate deeply.

2.  Have you tried using your fingers?  Your girlfriend might not need length so much as precise stimulation of a certain spot.  You have a lot of control when you use your fingers, and you’ll be in the perfect position to tongue her clitoris, too.  Or she can rub her own clit while you penetrate her with your fingers and simultaneously rim her asshole.  Ooops, we're getting ahead of ourselves.

3.  Along those same lines, what about toys?  You can have intercourse and enjoy being inside her, and then when she’s ready to climax, you can reach into the toybag and brandish her favorite 9-inch dildo.  Everyone is happy.  Especially the trees.

All our love and more,
Nina and Rita