posted and copyrighted November 23, 2004

Dear Nina and Rita,

This pretty emo boy has been flirting with me online. He’s from my hometown, so I’ve see him out at bars. Turns out he happens to do Suicide Girls-style boi porn on the side. I always thought he was cute, then he started sending me messages. I mentioned the messages to a mutual friend, and she said, “Oh, yeah, ever since he first met you, he’s thought you were cute.” We’ll both be in town for Thanksgiving. Tonight he sent me a three-word message: “Come get naked.” What should I do?

Signed,
Hoping for a Memorable Thanksgiving

Dear Hoping for a Memorable Thanksgiving,

Arrange to meet up with emo boy on Friday evening, but be prepared for the possibility, no, go out of your way to ensure that you run into him on Wednesday evening, when the cranberries are ripe on the vine. You still have dibs on Friday leftovers, but you can taste his sweet potatoes on Thursday, too, if you sneak out while your family watches football (Go Huskies!), The Apprentice (Go Sandy!) or Oklahoma! (Go Jud Fry!)!

About getting naked: The only thing we’ll warn you about online boys is that their pens are sometimes mightier than their swords. Meaning, your emo boy expresses a certain style of aggression and confidence in his language that may or may not be evident in his character. If, when you get him alone, he seems shy or hesitant, ask him if you can take his picture for Nina and Rita’s Sex Advice Cover Model Contest.  This will be the fun way to kindle the eroticism of your encounter. Don’t be afraid to tell him where to pose, how to move, and when to take off his clothes. He wants that. Oh yeah. He does.

All our love and more,
Nina and Rita