posted and copyrighted March 22, 2005

Dear Nina and Rita,

I’m a 29-year-old woman with three daughters and a 13-year-old marriage. I work at this place where my 33-year-old boss shamelessly flirts with me all the time and asks me out. He is married with an 8-month-old daughter. I believe he is honest with his feelings towards me but I cannot go out with him. I also do not want to scare him off forever because I am very attracted to him. Whenever he asks me out, I say to him that at this time I cannot talk to him or see him. I would like your advice. He is a complete gentleman and has always respected my feelings.

Signed,
You Do The Math

Dear You Do The Math,

Whoa, slow down there, little lady. Are you saying that when your girlfriends were hiring DJs for their sweet sixteen parties, you were sending out invites for your wedding? Holy shit. Smoldering inside you is a wild woman. You’re like Thelma before she meets Brad Pitt. And your boss wants to be Brad Pitt, the cowboy robber who guides Thelma through an erotic initiation, but he might actually be Harlan, the married gentleman who turns out to be a rapist. Louise shoots Harlan in the parking lot, launching the cinematic masterpiece known Thelma and Louise.

Our point being: you are no longer a sixteen year old bride. You have a lot more control over your life than you realize. Please step back and give this matter some more thought before you commit armed robbery, lock a policeman in his trunk, and drive your car off the edge of the Grand Canyon. Getting involved with your boss could turn your life upside down. Getting involved with your boss risks both your job and your marriage.

Okay. Now, suppose after a few introspective visits to a therapist where you deeply probe your feelings about your life, family, and career, you decide that you want to get involved with someone else. Your boss may seem like a desirable lust object because the workplace is your only outlet for emotional intimacy with men other than your husband. Trust us when we say that your boss isn’t the only person who finds you attractive. You can find yourself an unmarried man who doesn’t also sign your paychecks.

Or you can find yourself another job, and then meet your former boss for a late afternoon rendezvous in a motel. However, your boss do not sound to us like a "complete gentleman," even though he doesn’t force you to kneel under his desk for blowjob duty while he chats on the phone with his wife. Sure, he might surprise us by filing for divorce, buying you a big house, and sending his ex-wife a monthly check for child support. Or maybe he will keep you as a treasured mistress and always have a full reservoir of love and support to give you while you raise three daughters as a single mom. But there’s at least a 50% chance that he’ll fuck you and dump you.

And even that wouldn’t be the end of the world. In a way, you’d just be catching up on the experiences you missed by getting married so young. Turning thirty is the perfect occasion to come to terms with your sexual power as woman and plan the next phase of your very precious life.

All our love and more,
Nina and Rita