posted and copyrighted December 26, 2004

Dear Nina and Rita,

I've recently discovered my girlfriend is very curious about the idea of a threesome between ourselves and another woman. I've actually had a threesome before, with a former girlfriend and her best friend, but unfortunately this time my current girlfriend doesn’t have any such accommodating friends. So the question is, how do we go about finding someone with whom to indulge in our little fantasy? Neither one of us really thinks personals, online or otherwise, really work, and frankly we'd like to meet someone the old-fashioned way…in person. But couples don't usually go hitting on single women in bars…or do they? What exactly is the modern protocol for this sort of thing? We thoroughly enjoy your site. Keep up the good work.

Signed,
The Infamous Threesome

Dear Infamous Threesome,

Welcome to our new home at adviceweekly.com. Surely the threesome question is the most popular inquiry circulating among the sex blogs. We propose a pay-it-forward plan: all single women should annually participate in a threesome with two different couples. Later, when she’s coupled up and looking for a threesome, she can reap the sweet rewards of this karmic contract.

If you prefer a pay-as-you-go plan, here are a few options. Although you say your girlfriend does not have any accommodating friends, you need to start thinking like an Amway salesman who enlists all his acquaintances and coworkers in a direct marketing pyramid. Every encounter builds a network of people who may introduce you to a woman who will have sex with you and your girlfriend.

Let’s start with the people you know. Most guys who are semi-attractive have a slightly less attractive female friend in love with them. No? Okay, how about your ex-girlfriend? Hell, how about your ex-girlfriend’s best friend? Keep your eyes and ears alert to the signals emitted by horny, open-minded single women. Remember, she might not flirt with you because she knows you have a girlfriend, but observe how she behaves around other men and women at the party.

Believe it or not, it is entirely acceptable for anyone, including couples, to hit on single women in bars. That’s what they’re there for. As long as you and your girlfriend can laugh at yourselves and comfort each other in the face of rejection, you’ll eventually score. We guarantee it. The drunker girls will be easier.

If your girlfriend is used to having men hit on her, she may need to develop a more aggressive approach. For example, she should try walking up to a woman and whispering in her ear, “I like watching you dance” or “you’re so beautiful,” while gently touching the woman’s shoulder, hair, or cheek. If things warm up, you can join them, kiss your girlfriend, introduce yourself to the woman, and buy a round of drinks. There are many variations to this approach, initiated by either you or your girlfriend, so try to choreograph a few playful, collaborative pickup routines that draw from the strengths of your personalities.

Although we agree that there’s nothing like an old-fashioned, across-the-room seduction, we have found that online personals work well for couples seeking threesomes, especially sites like adultfriendfinder.com and lavalife.com, which allow you to specify the type of arrangement you seek. Many online couples have invited Nina to play with them. Sometimes she indulges, sometimes she politely declines. It helps if you include a photo. It also helps if both of you can write coherently about yourselves and explain why you’re interested in this particular woman. Make her feel like she’s the only one you’re pursuing, and be open to accommodating her fantasies in return.

It’s true that some people advertise online without any intention of a face-to-face. After a few rounds of correspondence, invite her to dinner at a nice restaurant. If she declines because “she’s not ready,” move on. If she accepts, be prepared to travel to another state for your rendezvous. Rita and her lover seduced a tall nurse in Maine, and a shy roller-coaster fanatic in Louisiana.

Have you considered seeing a professional? If you’re on a budget, $100 should get you a few kitty-nuzzling lap dances from a hot lesbian stripper, but don’t assume she’ll come home with you. If you have approximately $700 in discretionary income, you can find a pretty, bisexual call-girl in almost any American city. Her website should give you a sense of what to expect, and she will describe the correct protocol for arranging an appointment. Perhaps you’ll be surprised to discover a courtesan renaissance, that is, the return of well-educated, articulate, sensual women who provide companionship for men, women, and couples. Our favorites in the blogosphere include Olympia, Alexa, and Belle. Tell them Nina and Rita at adviceweekly.com sent you!

Do you want to know more about Nina and Rita? Visit our new Nina and Rita pages, where we share a few highlights of our lives, and our favorite sexy books. Like lovers, we will gradually reveal more about ourselves.

All our love and more,
Nina and Rita